1. |
Phantom Limb Syndrome
03:05
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Hey it’s me, yeah you don’t say, it’s been a while
through the speakerphone I can hear your smile.
Hey, I was wondering if you’d stick around this time
through satellites and static I know you’re doing just fine.
Hey, don’t care if this starts a fight
but I still haven’t worn the clothes that you took off me that night.
Hey no one told me about this cold
that you feel when you’re all alone.
I can feel it even when it’s not there
and that’s the most frustrating part
it’s like trying to hold hands with someone that you love
but you’ve lost both your arms.
Hey, it’s me, yeah you don’t say it’s been a while
I buried your teeth so I can’t see you smile.
Hey, someone please donate your skin
if you pity me I’ll love you, it’s a win-win.
Hey, there’s this gaping hole in my chest
I can’t explain what used to be inside but I’ll do my best
I can feel it even when it’s not there
and that’s the most frustrating part
it’s like trying to hold hands with someone that you love
but you’ve lost both your arms.
I’ll keep reaching out to something long gone
I'll keep waking up with less of my body in bed with me
I don’t know how I’m expected to go on
with only stitches where my joints used to be.
I’ll keep tending to that negative space
have you ever tried to put words to a lack of something?
No I can’t start or finish this race
if I’m preoccupied explaining the sensation of
nothing.
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2. |
I Don't Like Drinking
03:00
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I’m not a beer person
so I’ve been trying to like red wine
even though I prefer white
I can't stand the sight of it
in glass in a hand that's mine.
and honestly, it's annoying being this picky with my booze,
but I’m trying not to jeopardize these things that I could lose.
and honestly I wish I could leave it alone
but glass on a marble countertop sounds like home.
my friends remind me
I’m a lightweight so they take turns taking watch.
but there was that party
where everyone forgot
so I just made my bed at the bottom of a bottle of scotch.
and I know I should have gone
to the hospital
or at least have gone home.
but I know I’d just be greeted by the sight of empty wine glasses
on the table top
all alone.
and I won't remember my name.
I don't remember my name.
but on nights like this
I wish I didn't even have a name.
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3. |
Human Shield
04:31
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My white dress and I walk into some coffee shop
where a stranger promptly grabs my book.
He said the cover was just too cool
he couldn't help but look.
So I didn’t mind his foreign fingers passing over the phrases,
cause if I'm being honest
it feels kinda nice to have somebody else's hands
all over the pages.
Who wants it more?
I guess what's mine is yours.
The Dark Dark, that inkblot graphic
made you have to have it.
My instruments and I walk into a room
where an overly excited guy grabs my bag.
he says that he's been looking forward to trying out all this shit
that he doesn't have.
So I didn't mind him turning the knobs
with a vigor that could have been considered abuse,
cause at least the noisy devices were
finally being put to some kind of use.
Who wants it more?
I guess what's mine is yours.
The reverb, the overdrive
made you have to have what is mine.
My birthday and I walk into a restaurant
that's well-lit and overly expensive so
everyone there takes the gathering as an excuse
to drink in a way that's extensive.
So I didn't mind the way the party turned
into one that had nonthing to do with me
cause at least everyone I love could come together and get drunk for free.
Who wants it more?
I guess what's mine is yours.
The sweet slick last slice
you can't just have whatever you want
just because you think it looks nice.
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4. |
Glass House
03:07
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I want a giant weeping willow tree in my backyard
and she wants a glass house with no address
so that the trees can give her advice
in the morning when she's getting dressed.
She never once asked me to confess my crimes to her
because she doesn't need to know my sins to know
that in another life
we committed them together.
Do you remember that time we were talking about those unwanted thoughts we had about killing kids?
The shine in that display dagger made you wanna do it,
Lady Macbeth I'd let you open my ribs.
It’s a wake-up call I enjoy, 752 miles away
suddenly doesn’t feel so far and long.
I didn’t believe in anything till that time we drove around and cried listening to each other’s favorite songs.
I think I like my name best when it’s coming out of your mouth,
the blue of your being looks so good in the pink of that blouse
you know you make me feel as honest as a glass house.
Ask me whats inside
because i’ve got nothing to hide.
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5. |
Party Favors
05:16
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I’ll start making it a point to leave
something of mine at all my friends’ houses
so they can think of me when they're wearing
all of my jewelry and all of my blouses.
I’ll get good at spraying my perfume
on gifts that I give
so even where I am not
I can still live.
She's so good at leaving party favors
he keeps all the candy wrappers
just cause he knows
they're her favorite flavors.
Maybe you'll think of me if you have to
maybe I’ll cross your mind if there's something of mine
to take my place in the room.
I don't think the past and the good times we had
will be enough
I can't help but feel that any interest in me
is motivated by some other stuff.
I can't believe I didn't think
of leaving party favors before
I hope it makes you smile, seeing something of mine
littered across your floor.
He scratched her head for hours
so by the time it came for her to leave
his hand was stained the color of her hair dye
all the way up to his sleeve.
Maybe you'll think of me if you have to
maybe I’ll cross your mind if there's something of mine
to take my place in the room.
I hope you cherish the hair ties I leave behind
I hope you hold onto 'em just because they're mine.
I’ll make a point to get good at leaving things behind
I’ll make a point to make sure that I’m still in your mind.
Maybe you'll think of me if you have to
maybe you'll invite me back to your room.
maybe you'll think of me when you're all alone
but mostly I wish you'd think of me on your own.
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6. |
Jinx
03:20
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Good thing, good thing
won’t you stay a little while?
Good thing, good thing
you make me feel just like a child.
Good thing,
I won’t tell a soul.
Good thing,
I will learn to swallow my words whole.
Big mouth,
am I ruining the good things?
Big mouth,
just trying to feel proud of something.
I won’t say a word
if it’ll make it stick.
I won’t say a word
though I’m making myself sick.
Good thing,
will a secret make you stay?
Good thing,
did the thought of my mouth scare you away?
I’ll never talk about it
I promise I’ll never talk about it
because if I talk about it
I’ll ruin it.
I’ll never speak of it.
I can never speak of it.
‘cause if I speak of it
I’ll ruin it
I’ve ruined it.
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7. |
Human Shield 2
06:48
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Breathe it in baby,
it only hurts if you let it.
My whole body’s covered in carpet burn,
from sliding to your house
and his house
and her house
and my feet never did touch the ground.
A bullet-riddled body,
a human shield.
Your own personal gas mask
in a war-torn field.
‘Cause I’m violently capable
of being there for you
and I know I will
take all of your poison and wash myself with it
and drink that bath water
just to absolve your sins.
She only knows how to win.
A bullet-riddled body,
a human shield.
Your own personal gas mask
in a war-torn field.
Just don’t let me do what I’m so good at
‘cause if I do
I will carve myself hollow
to make some room for someone
to spill their dark into me.
I bet it's something you've seen.
I’ll take it
I’ll hold it
I’ll frame it
I'll give it a home
I'll let it grow
I will tuck it in and let it pull off the sheets
and wake up with it staring right back at me.
Don't you see?
I bet it's something you've seen.
I’ll let it stain my insides
just so your hands will stay clean.
Don't worry about me
we know I can take it
I'm just a bullet-riddled body,
a human shield.
Your own personal gas mask
in a war-torn field.
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8. |
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Thirteen and a half feet deep
the first place i became obsessed with teeth.
I haven’t thought about chlorine in years
but the underwaterspeakersong woke up all my fears.
I wonder how you’re doing
you chemical lagoon, silently brewing.
I hope they tear the whole pool to the ground
the day your hair started falling out was the day
the city should’ve burned down.
Thirteen and a half feet deep
part of me hasn’t breathed in 147 weeks.
It’s weird not to live in the town
where you splashed and kicked and became half your size
and learned not to drown.
Why am i still thinking about that room?
The warm of its open mouth ate you like a reverse womb.
We’re experts at swimming under fluorescent lights
an elevator long enough for a stretcher makes for sleepless nights.
Thirteen and a half feet deep
you saw the empty table and pulled up a seat.
Who invited this shaking sensation?
The sick that rises up around thanksgiving vacation.
Two years to the day
I made it to the parking lot before blacking out and driving away.
I feel this month for years
I watched a whole church get washed away in a category 5 hurricane made up of all my worst fears
It’s in me deep now
did you ever touch the bottom?
It’s in too deep to get out
the last day of November’s rotten.
Thirteen and a half feet deep
no, it’s in me deeper than that
no, it’s in me deeper than that
no it's always gonna hurt
deeper than that.
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9. |
Extra Small
05:50
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I live for the days when i know I won't be seeing you.
I'm sorry, outgrowing the people I love wasn't even
something I knew I could do.
But when was the last time I was allowed to express
my anger exactly as i felt it?
Can something that was once comfortable be claustrophobic?
I'm smart enough to know when something doesn't fit.
I love you like I’d love a leech
you're an obligatory kind of warm.
So growing fond of you just because you’re filling up on my blood seems like a harmfully self-indulgent art form.
My dad said this state is burning up
and I feel as if I'm going too.
But my moving and shaking
isn't an invitation to do exactly what I do
State fair first prize goldfish only know how to grow
relative to the size of the tank they're in
and if I'm being honest with myself
I don't like the feeling of plexiglass on my fins.
I think I sold myself a little short here
I wanna wear inspired like an evening dress
I feel so bored I feel so so slow
This is not what i call progress.
It’s my birthday so I'll tell you what I want
I even told you I would act surprised.
But opening up a box is weird when I see
that you see me as the wrong size.
The more I think about someones face
the less i can remember it,
I should think of you people all the time.
I’ll make something pretty you can be proud of
I’ll repeat the hurt till its digestible
I'll even make it rhyme.
Is this an extra small?
It's an inch above my ankles now.
I'd better get something that fits to help keep the cold out.
Is this an extra small?
I swear to god this fit me yesterday
but something happened and I don't even want to try it on today.
I'm getting bigger and I don't think i can be
this little this quiet
this extra small anymore
I think it's time I made some room
for myself now.
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10. |
Faucet
04:25
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I didn't know it could be so beneficial
to pollute the air with this sound.
I've been feeling like highway roadkill
opened up, I've laid it all out on the ground.
My insides are on the outside
I don’t think I'd have it any other way
I just don’t think I let myself realize
this stuff in my mouth
was something worth saying.
Since that night in New Haven I haven't stopped
because I finally turned on the faucet that was blocked.
Too young to be that drunk in some time zone not my own
I finally sang for my mom and felt the water start to go.
Little girl said looks like the devil
and I know she's probably right.
but it's red just like me and it opens up
and it plays for me wen it becomes night.
Who knew my chest could be so loud?
Who knew my mouth was so ready and wide?
What was I doing before the sound?
My insides are now on the outside.
Since that night in New Haven I haven't stopped
'cause I let the faucet go and let the water run unstopped.
Too young to be that drunk in some time zone not my own
I heard the water go and let the sink overflow.
Since that night in New Haven I haven't stopped
because I let the faucet go and let the water run unblocked.
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Mary Claire San Francisco, California
major lover of most things
Mary Claire recommends:
to live and love and die by her side! some of the best songwriting of our lifetime, sews me back together
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