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I Hope I Never Get What I Need

by Mary Claire

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $10 USD  or more

     

  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    limited edition run of Mary Claire's sophomore album "I Hope I Never Get What I Need" on CD!
    duplicated by Youth Riot Records
    Album Art by Mo Fast

    (this run of CDs has a tiny misprint on the spine of the case, misnaming the album "I Hope I Never Get What I Want". I hope this minor discrepancy inspires you to distinguish between what you need, and what you want)

    Includes unlimited streaming of I Hope I Never Get What I Need via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days
    Purchasable with gift card

      $10 USD or more 

     

  • Cassette + Digital Album

    limited edition run of Mary Claire's sophomore album "I Hope I Never Get What I Need" on cassette!
    duplicated by Youth Riot Records
    Album Art by Mo Fast

    Includes unlimited streaming of I Hope I Never Get What I Need via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days
    Purchasable with gift card

      $10 USD or more 

     

1.
Chestburster 02:54
It’s wet its words it’s ink, I'm ten feet tall I’m made of plastic I’m never gonna decompose I'm here forever oh it's gonna stick I'm all boarded up, all caution tape, a bunch of no trespassing signs I need something to happen soon to let out all this dead stale air inside. Well isn't this just beautiful? Aren't that you glad that you can see? My forehead's just loud static in a place where you wish that you could be watching TV. I am always and I’m never, I've been lived in I've been vacated the tenants change so quickly they never say goodbye and ive always hated it. i'm too kind with this fake-calm demeanor i'm too scared with what could be good love but ooooo i don't feel a thing and a big black blank is the worst thing i could think of. i'm bumping into shelves so the dining sets will hit the floor and break i'm ruining everyone's family dinners and i'm keeping all of my neighbors awake. i prod until i bruise and then i prod some more, it hurts until it doesn't and that's when i know it hurts for sure ugh every day i wake up in a bed that's too wide but too short oh everything is just too much and oh my god i want some more i'm a shell husk hollow, rung dry dripping and see-through i think i need something to happen and i need the happening to happen from you. please let me eat you whole because i've been eaten clean through id let you do the only thing that the chestbursters from Alien know how to do. sometimes i think i'm empty but then i remember the very worst part oh it's the part where i remember i was never full to begin with, i've been a lack from the start.
2.
Emma 02:21
Oh emma listen to this if you ever forget how much we all love ya oh emma what would we have done without that endless summer? would we be at the bottom of the ocean well regardless the notion makes me sad so i’d rather look up and out and be glad that you are my my best friend, a lover a brother a mother a sister oh everything that i can think of and when it’s the right time i’ll think of a better rhyme to sing to you at bed so for now let’s just keep chasing the next daylight there’s no one else I would rather spend this life with there’s no one else I would rather live and die with
3.
every time you kiss me i’m hit with an overwhelming clarity that i don’t want to kiss you anymore but it might take a lot more making out for me to be able to figure out how to close my eyes and the door and stop asking for more more more more more more i think this time i am sure do you know that part in fight club where they turned his bleach blond hair black with blood? i’d never heard fists hit like that i turned to my right to see my bleach blonde friend asleep on the couch right next to me but his face was too pretty to imagine it being punched flat i wanna go back to before all of that I had a nightmare where I felt my body turn into a boardwalk vampire I hunted you down and drained you into my mouth when I awoke you were safe and sound asleep right next to me but regardless of the morning sun I was still blood hungry And I don’t know how to write about you cause I don’t want you to hear it and i dreamt about you even though when you asked i lied and said i didn’t and when people ask what happened all i can think about is how i gave you your 22nd birthday present closer to your 23rd because you weren’t around but it’s so good to see your face when you’re in town and whether it’s fight club lost boys the thing 1982 or porn on VHS there’s always gonna be something there to remind you of all the men all the boys you know and love are in a band - the boys are in a band that’s undoubtedly playing for me and for you the boys are in a band and i am too.
4.
Fargo 04:14
it’s hard to pull my own hair and harder to do anything when the VCR has suspended me in this fluorescent blue am i gonna write a song every time someone looks my way and gets me undone? feeling the projector light glow bouncing back onto us and playing Fargo. and i’ve never felt more fine than when i heard the wood chipper whine and ive never wanted to be anyone more than Steve Buschemi when he was painted all over the snow you made a crime scene of my neck you know. and though i hoped police sounds drowned us out i think your roommates heard us anyhow and i think it’s funny how we listened to people dying while we make out. kneeling in front of the mirror and staying up all night I’m all worn out no one’s done that in such a long time. you weren’t scared of me when you took me and made my face turn blue i can’t breathe but baby i don’t want to we flip the tape now Star Wars episode one is playing and we’re still listening to people die making out to the sound of a lightsaber fight. and i almost feel asleep between my Midwest crime and your space fleet when it was time for me to go you kissed me goodbye twice then i went home got into the cab and said how do you do he said i’m good but girl but would you look at you
5.
Pro Boxer 05:16
Oh I’m gonna go get my hair cut So someone else will touch the back of my neck, gonna spend my money on a nice massage so someone else will rub my back. Oh I’m gonna get all my pants tailored so someone will feel and know the length of my legs, I’m gonna start working at a diner so in the morning i can cook someone else their eggs. oh im gonna be a pro boxer just to feel your hand glide across my face I’m gonna run that marathon to feel you hand in my hand When I get first place oh i don’t wanna kiss you don’t even really wanna hold you i just wanna touch you cause it it doesn’t happen like it used to oh i’m gonna get back on a skateboard so when i fall off and get gravel in my face i can feel a hand strong on my shoulder popping my collarbone back into place oh i’m gonna shoplift and run just to feel someone behind me hot on the chase i’m gonna go back to the doctor just to feel someone smart touch my face oh im gonna be a pro boxer just to feel your hand square across the face i’m gonna win that marathon to feel your hand in my hand when I get first place i don’t wanna kiss you can’t you tell I don’t even need to hold you i just want somebody to wanna hold me too because it it doesn’t happen like it used to i’m gonna be a figure drawing model to feel artists’ eyes turn me into charcoal i’m gonna eat and drink oh eat and drink cause it’s the only place ive known to feel full i’m gonna go to the dentist so someone will tell me to open my mouth i’m gonna play hide and seek in every house so you’ll look for me when i won’t come out can’t you tell i don’t even need to kiss you can’t you tell I don’t even really need to hold you i just need somebody to put this body next to cause it doesn’t happen like it used to
6.
Middle Part 02:24
two butterfly hair clips by each eye made four all together it parted your hair down the middle and split your head in half down the center when i looked at you all striped in yellow and blue that’s when i really knew that maybe the me’s and you’s we first knew aren’t reflective of our current me’s and you’s did you look silly with your hair like that or was i just thinking of my own widow’s peak did the cowlick in the front make your head look weird no im definitely just projecting i wish you would look at me when you’re sad and mad and feel like picking a fight but you’re too kind im asking too much you’ve never been the aggressive type turn off your phone go on long walks alone wish we were looking in the mirror talking bout the bumps in our noses do you suppose it’s a fatal condition? these half grown up lives, endless eating then dishes making time meeting halfway trying our best, adult friendships crowd surfing, black light posters, desperation, jim carrey, facetime, dark haired boys, separation it’s weird to feel so far away from the one you love but you know i’ll love you forever and then some
7.
MVP 02:25
what can i say, you played a great game!
8.
Blinker 03:22
how’d we cram an entire summer into the middle of april? i wonder if ill ever get used to it- the beautiful open rotting heat and how it eats it makes me wanna lay down and let the tall lights have their way with me fourth of july leaving my socks on the beach in a last-ditch offering to the ocean in a plea for irony maybe the coming and the going need to be quick when the meaning starts showing I can feel it grow Its growing otherwise us humans start to get greedy flirting with the impossible glow of longevity but can you blame me? can you blame me. otherwise, all of that aside, i guess what’s inside is that i feel my heart and its beating like that car blinker i can feel it pulling signaling hard on my left side and you sweat so much in your sleep i thought you had caught the fever and rolled on your right side to say goodbye before you died i wish your photosynthetic reliance on the sun wasn’t so strong but i’m just jealous that something so bright could inspire a drive that long or more accurately i wish i could handle the warm bright all over me too so i could have ridden shotgun, at least for a little while with you and to be honest i wish you wouldn’t talk about the aliens so much cause i know they’re gonna come back to take you home and won’t have an address to keep in touch but regardless of where you go i wanna go so i guess ill see you soon i know ill see you i guess ill see you i hope i see you
9.
Black Goo 03:43
Have you ever seen the blob 1958? It was the moment i saw myself portrayed on a screen all awful and pulsing and hungry swallowing towns, inhaling people who run from me what an awful movie what an awful way to realize parts of me were the same now I’m reminded of being told by my mom bout this first scary movie she saw when she was young it scarred her so bad she broke into hives sat in the bath and screamed and cried now i’ve become that little girl running from the ooze and goo from out of this world but it’s me and I’m it, its damn strong I’m afraid this poor world doesn’t have long the worst part about walking alone down the street is realizing no one’s gonna love anyone exactly how they need did you hear that? it barely had time to scream i hope it never gets to feed I hope it always stays hungry i hope it never gets what it needs. i’m full of black goo and it pours from me without cause maybe i don’t know how to love if you hold me you’ll fall right in to all this hot jello poison that’s disintegrating everyone and everything till I’m no longer hungry till i no longer have to feed oh my god if this is it I hope i never get what i need
10.
Dark Blue 04:37
are you coming over? the dish set i was gifted has too many plates for just me and I’ve been cooking enough every night To feed a small lonely army i can feel myself getting lazy i can feel myself getting boring i push my ear up to the wall to see if i can hear the sound of human people snoring but these walls are made of concrete. the only thing i’ve done today is wake up from sleep and call a man i don’t know and never will meet and all he’s done is ask me bout the trees. what kind of trees grow in that part of the state? are they cedar is it pine? i heard the weather’s just great to grow upwards and vertical to go upwards and tall towards that red sun that barely comes in at all. Yeah you heard it goes tall? heard it all goes vertically? but can’t tell if it’s deforestation or just me but i haven’t noticed any trees it’s been the longest summer of my life and the shortest one too i haven’t done anything but watch the red 6 o’clock sun turn into a dark blue. i keep thinking bout the man on the other side of the line asking me what kind of trees grow around this time i couldn’t even answer him i just cried and cried oh it has been days since I have gone outside. I just keep looking for hours outside my window watching that red sun go beyond indigo and i can’t see any trees from this part of town but i’ll call him back when i figure out what kind of trees grow in this part of the state he won’t remember me he gets too many calls when it gets this late but I just needed someone to know about the dark and the blue and the indigo.

about

Mary Claire's sophomore album

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released September 24, 2021

music and lyrics by Mary Claire
mixed, mastered and produced by Francis Rowland
"Pro Boxer" mixed, mastered, and produced by Peter Campanelli
album art by Morgan Fast, album photos by Connor Johnson
additional arrangements by Francis Rowland, Peter Campanelli, Seth Little, Savvas J. Matiatos, Max Caminos, Ben Anderson, Bridge Gamble, Greg Krupit, and Emily Hancock

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Mary Claire San Francisco, California

major lover of most things

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