1. |
Chestburster
02:54
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It’s wet its words it’s ink, I'm ten feet tall I’m made of plastic
I’m never gonna decompose I'm here forever oh it's gonna stick
I'm all boarded up, all caution tape, a bunch of no trespassing signs
I need something to happen soon to let out all this dead stale air inside.
Well isn't this just beautiful? Aren't that you glad that you can see?
My forehead's just loud static in a place where you wish that you could be watching TV.
I am always and I’m never, I've been lived in I've been vacated
the tenants change so quickly they never say goodbye and ive always hated it.
i'm too kind with this fake-calm demeanor i'm too scared with what could be good love
but ooooo i don't feel a thing and a big black blank is the worst thing i could think of.
i'm bumping into shelves so the dining sets will hit the floor and break
i'm ruining everyone's family dinners and i'm keeping all of my neighbors awake.
i prod until i bruise and then i prod some more, it hurts until it doesn't and that's when i know it hurts for sure
ugh
every day i wake up in a bed that's too wide but too short
oh everything is just too much and oh my god i want some more
i'm a shell husk hollow, rung dry dripping and see-through
i think i need something to happen and i need the happening to happen from you.
please let me eat you whole because i've been eaten clean through
id let you do the only thing that the chestbursters from Alien know how to do.
sometimes i think i'm empty but then i remember the very worst part
oh it's the part where i remember i was never full to begin with,
i've been a lack from the start.
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2. |
Emma
02:21
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Oh emma
listen to this if you ever forget how much we all love ya
oh emma
what would we have done without that endless summer?
would we be at the bottom of the ocean
well regardless the notion makes me sad so i’d rather look up and out and be glad
that you are my my best friend, a lover a brother a mother a sister oh everything that i can think of
and when it’s the right time i’ll think of a better rhyme to sing to you at bed
so for now let’s just keep chasing the next daylight
there’s no one else I would rather spend this life with
there’s no one else I would rather live and die with
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3. |
The Boys Are in a Band
03:17
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every time you kiss me
i’m hit with an overwhelming clarity
that i don’t want to kiss you anymore
but it might take a lot more making out
for me to be able to figure out
how to close my eyes and the door and stop asking for more
more more more more more
i think this time i am sure
do you know that part in fight club where they turned his bleach blond hair black with blood?
i’d never heard fists hit like that
i turned to my right to see my bleach blonde friend asleep on the couch right next to me
but his face was too pretty to imagine it being punched flat
i wanna go back
to before all of that
I had a nightmare where I felt my body turn into a boardwalk vampire
I hunted you down and drained you into my mouth
when I awoke you were safe and sound
asleep right next to me
but regardless of the morning sun
I was still blood hungry
And I don’t know how to write about you cause I don’t want you to hear it
and i dreamt about you even though when you asked i lied and said i didn’t
and when people ask what happened all i can think about
is how i gave you your 22nd birthday present closer to your 23rd because you weren’t around
but it’s so good to see your face when you’re in town
and whether it’s fight club lost boys the thing 1982 or porn on VHS
there’s always gonna be something there to remind you of all the men
all the boys you know and love are in a band
-
the boys are in a band that’s undoubtedly playing for me and for you
the boys are in a band
and i am too.
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4. |
Fargo
04:14
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it’s hard to pull my own hair and
harder to
do anything when the VCR has suspended me in this fluorescent blue
am i gonna write a song every time
someone
looks my way and gets me undone?
feeling the projector light glow
bouncing back onto us and playing Fargo.
and i’ve never felt more fine
than when i heard the wood chipper whine
and ive never wanted to be
anyone more than Steve Buschemi
when he was painted all over the snow
you made a crime scene of my neck you know.
and though i hoped police sounds drowned us out
i think your roommates heard us anyhow
and i think it’s funny how
we listened to people dying while we make out.
kneeling in front of the mirror and
staying up all night
I’m all worn out
no one’s done that in such a long time.
you weren’t scared of me when you
took me and made my face turn blue
i can’t breathe
but baby i don’t want to
we flip the tape
now Star Wars episode one is playing
and we’re still listening to people die
making out to the sound of a lightsaber fight.
and i almost feel asleep
between my Midwest crime and your space fleet
when it was time for me to go
you kissed me goodbye twice then i went home
got into the cab and said how do you do
he said i’m good but girl but would you look at you
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5. |
Pro Boxer
05:16
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Oh I’m gonna go get my hair cut
So someone else will touch the back of my neck,
gonna spend my money on a nice massage
so someone else will rub my back.
Oh I’m gonna get all my pants tailored
so someone will feel and know the length of my legs,
I’m gonna start working at a diner
so in the morning i can cook someone else their eggs.
oh im gonna be a pro boxer
just to feel your hand glide across my face
I’m gonna run that marathon to feel you hand in my hand
When I get first place
oh i don’t wanna kiss you
don’t even really wanna hold you
i just wanna touch you
cause it
it doesn’t happen like it used to
oh i’m gonna get back on a skateboard so when i fall off and get gravel in my face
i can feel a hand strong on my shoulder popping my collarbone back into place
oh i’m gonna shoplift and run just to feel someone behind me hot on the chase
i’m gonna go back to the doctor just to feel someone smart touch my face
oh im gonna be a pro boxer just to feel your hand square across the face
i’m gonna win that marathon to feel your hand in my hand
when I get first place
i don’t wanna kiss you
can’t you tell I don’t even need to hold you
i just want somebody to wanna hold me too
because it
it doesn’t happen like it used to
i’m gonna be a figure drawing model to feel artists’ eyes turn me into charcoal
i’m gonna eat and drink oh eat and drink cause it’s the only place ive known to feel full
i’m gonna go to the dentist so someone will tell me to open my mouth
i’m gonna play hide and seek in every house so you’ll look for me when i won’t come out
can’t you tell i don’t even need to kiss you
can’t you tell I don’t even really need to hold you
i just need somebody to
put this body next to
cause it doesn’t happen like it used to
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6. |
Middle Part
02:24
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two butterfly hair clips by each eye
made four all together
it parted your hair down the middle and split your head in half down the center
when i looked at you all striped in yellow and blue that’s when i really knew
that maybe the me’s and you’s we first knew aren’t reflective of our current me’s and you’s
did you look silly with your hair like that or was i just thinking of my own widow’s peak
did the cowlick in the front make your head look weird no im definitely just projecting
i wish you would look at me when you’re sad and mad and feel like picking a fight
but you’re too kind im asking too much you’ve never been the aggressive type
turn off your phone go on long walks alone
wish we were looking in the mirror talking bout the bumps in our noses
do you suppose it’s a fatal condition?
these half grown up lives, endless eating then dishes
making time meeting halfway
trying our best, adult friendships
crowd surfing, black light posters, desperation, jim carrey, facetime, dark haired boys, separation
it’s weird to feel so far away from the one you love
but you know i’ll love you forever and then some
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7. |
MVP
02:25
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what can i say, you played a great game!
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8. |
Blinker
03:22
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how’d we cram an entire summer
into the middle of april?
i wonder if ill ever get used to it-
the beautiful open rotting heat and how it eats
it makes me wanna lay down and let the tall lights have their way with me
fourth of july leaving my socks on the beach
in a last-ditch offering
to the ocean in a plea for irony
maybe the coming and the going
need to be quick when
the meaning starts showing
I can feel it grow
Its growing
otherwise us humans start to get greedy
flirting with the impossible glow of longevity
but can you blame me?
can you blame me.
otherwise,
all of that aside,
i guess what’s inside
is that i feel
my heart
and its beating like that car blinker
i can feel it pulling signaling hard on my left side
and you sweat so much in your sleep
i thought you had caught the fever and rolled on your right side
to say goodbye before you died
i wish your photosynthetic reliance on the sun wasn’t so strong
but i’m just jealous that something so bright could inspire a drive that long
or more accurately i wish i could handle the warm bright all over me too
so i could have ridden shotgun, at least for a little while with you
and to be honest i wish you wouldn’t talk about the aliens so much
cause i know they’re gonna come back to take you home
and won’t have an address to keep in touch
but regardless of where you go i wanna go so i guess ill see you soon
i know ill see you i guess ill see you i hope i see you
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9. |
Black Goo
03:43
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Have you ever seen the blob 1958?
It was the moment i saw myself portrayed
on a screen all awful and pulsing and hungry
swallowing towns, inhaling people who
run from me
what an awful movie
what an awful way
to realize parts of me were the same
now I’m reminded of being told by my mom
bout this first scary movie she saw when she was young
it scarred her so bad she broke into hives
sat in the bath and screamed and cried
now i’ve become that little girl
running from the ooze and goo from out of this world
but it’s me and I’m it, its damn strong
I’m afraid this poor world doesn’t have long
the worst part about walking alone down the street
is realizing no one’s gonna love anyone exactly how they need
did you hear that? it barely had time to scream
i hope it never gets to feed
I hope it always stays hungry
i hope it never gets what it needs.
i’m full of black goo and it pours from me without cause
maybe i don’t know how to love
if you hold me you’ll fall right in
to all this hot jello poison
that’s disintegrating
everyone and everything
till I’m no longer hungry
till i no longer have to feed
oh my god if this is it I hope i never get what i need
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10. |
Dark Blue
04:37
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are you coming over?
the dish set i was gifted has too many plates for just me and
I’ve been cooking enough every night
To feed a small lonely army
i can feel myself getting lazy
i can feel myself getting boring
i push my ear up to the wall to see if i can hear
the sound of human people snoring
but these walls are made of concrete.
the only thing i’ve done today is wake up from sleep
and call a man i don’t know and never will meet
and all he’s done is ask me bout the trees.
what kind of trees grow in that part of the state?
are they cedar is it pine? i heard the weather’s just great
to grow upwards and vertical to go upwards and tall
towards that red sun
that barely comes in at all.
Yeah you heard it goes tall?
heard it all goes vertically?
but can’t tell if it’s deforestation or just me
but i haven’t noticed any trees
it’s been the longest summer of my life
and the shortest one too
i haven’t done anything but watch the
red 6 o’clock sun
turn into a
dark blue.
i keep thinking bout the man on the other side of the line
asking me what kind of trees grow around this time
i couldn’t even answer him i just cried and cried
oh it has been days since I have gone outside.
I just keep looking for hours
outside my window
watching that red sun go beyond indigo
and i can’t see any trees from this part of town
but i’ll call him back
when i figure out
what kind of trees grow in this part of the state
he won’t remember me
he gets too many calls when it gets this late
but I just needed someone to know
about the dark
and the blue
and the indigo.
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Mary Claire San Francisco, California
major lover of most things
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