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Thirteen and a Half Feet Deep

from Phantom Limb by Mary Claire

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lyrics

Thirteen and a half feet deep
the first place i became obsessed with teeth.
I haven’t thought about chlorine in years
but the underwaterspeakersong woke up all my fears.
I wonder how you’re doing
you chemical lagoon, silently brewing.
I hope they tear the whole pool to the ground
the day your hair started falling out was the day
the city should’ve burned down.

Thirteen and a half feet deep
part of me hasn’t breathed in 147 weeks.
It’s weird not to live in the town
where you splashed and kicked and became half your size
and learned not to drown.
Why am i still thinking about that room?
The warm of its open mouth ate you like a reverse womb.
We’re experts at swimming under fluorescent lights
an elevator long enough for a stretcher makes for sleepless nights.

Thirteen and a half feet deep
you saw the empty table and pulled up a seat.
Who invited this shaking sensation?
The sick that rises up around thanksgiving vacation.
Two years to the day
I made it to the parking lot before blacking out and driving away.
I feel this month for years
I watched a whole church get washed away in a category 5 hurricane made up of all my worst fears

It’s in me deep now
did you ever touch the bottom?
It’s in too deep to get out
the last day of November’s rotten.
Thirteen and a half feet deep
no, it’s in me deeper than that
no, it’s in me deeper than that
no it's always gonna hurt
deeper than that.

credits

from Phantom Limb, released October 1, 2018

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Mary Claire San Francisco, California

major lover of most things

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